Tales from the Library

And now it’s time for…TALES FROM THE LIBRARY!

I understand that a lot of how people react and interact with others at the library is circumstantial. Maybe your cat just passed on to feline heaven, or your brood of twelve children is especially rowdy today, or you just got yet another speeding ticket. But there’s a certain decorum that is expected when one enters a library. It is, after all, a hallowed place of peace for those seeking both refuge and a certain hopeful degree of enlightenment. But for those of you who have had a particular bad day or are at their wits end and forget those key rules of etiquette when visited your library, I have compiled a list. I call it:

Runner Sami’s Top Ten Non-Negotiable Rules of Library Etiquette

1. Never, ever put your child on the circulation desk (or any desk for that matter). This leads to (sadly, I say this from experience): being sneezed, coughed, spit and snotted upon, not to mention those parents who seem to have forgotten what a loaded diaper smells like before plopped said diaper disguised as a child on the desk.

2. When your partner/child/septuagenarian grandmother is across the library, please don’t scream at them to come over because you’re checking out.

3. When the first, second, and last calls are being made warning you that the library is closing, please heed these calls. There’s no reason fifty people should be lined up with piles of books/DVDs/CDs when the lights are dimmed because the librarians are going home.

4. Always check inside your books for pictures, checks, cash, thermometers, baseball cards, and toilet paper BEFORE you return them to the library.

5. Stop taking covered hardback books to the beach. Please.

6. Get chance for the copier/printer before coming to the library, so you won’t have to ask us every time if we can break your hundred.

7. There’s no need to scream and pitch a fit at your librarian. Despite what you seem to believe, we are NOT out to get you for twenty cents. We have much more important things to do then plot ways we can piss you off and ruin your important life.

8. Gum is best chewed quietly in a closed mouth. Chomping does nothing to expedite the checking out process.

9. For the love of all that is decent in this world, please don’t put fifty items on hold then wait for them to expire before coming in to get them only to put them back on hold.

And finally,

10. Under no circumstances should you send your six-year-old child to inquire about the fines on your card. Shame, shame on you!

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  1. May I add, ‘please don’t mistake the fire alarm for the automatic door opener.”

  2. I guess I never realized the poopy diaper one was universal. I thought those folks were confined to my old place of work.

    I used to notice that when we had men make the closing announcements people did a much better job of clearing out on time. How sexist is that?

  3. This is great and a bit humorous list. But I feel the pain you go through everyday. But look at the bright side — when one works at the library, I see it a great opportunity with access to all books and famous names. My library isn’t that huge and some books are limited, but it’s nice and cozy and of course free for all.

    IF there’s one thing I hate about at the library, it’s the parents who were too attached reading their books that they tend to forget their kids wondering around, crying out loud and distracting my little peace of mind.

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